OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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