I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
