is your mom at the bar?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
