Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
