I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
