Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i have two assholes
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
