Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
