I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
