my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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