I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize