is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
