How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
