Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
