i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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