is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i barfeds in our rink
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
