there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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