No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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