ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
