After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
