Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i think my cat just said my name.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize