The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize