Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
