hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
