I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
