I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you're hired as official boob wrangler
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
