my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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