i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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