i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize