Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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