please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
