Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
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