i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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