Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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