i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
