did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
