we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
