I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
