Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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