I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
