i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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