Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
