i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
