I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
