Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize