pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
