Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize