the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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