Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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