I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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