Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
