he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
