Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize