i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
