my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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