i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
