All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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