Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
