There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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