He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
