So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
