I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize