dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
