how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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