just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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