what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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