I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
