he puts the penis in happiness.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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