Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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