you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
