once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
