Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
