I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize