3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
