Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
