The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
