that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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