I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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