Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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