that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize