Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
